Remembering when I didn't care for drugs or alcohol when I was with you.

One moment I am sitting in my hot car getting scalded by my own tears...
Too weak to push open the door and lift myself from the car...
...Vision too blurry and hands too shaky to aim the house key into the key hole...

The next, I receive a satisfying phone call and all is fine and dandy again.
I am insane.

Sometimes I imagine fun to be drinking a six-pack and hauling ass down the most desolate of these dusty Arizona roads. But only would I if there were a designated Wild West highway for drunk people to take their chances on.

Another night of Arizona's sunset medicine on South Mountain. This land is undeniably beautiful. "...But get out of there before it sucks the life from you" he says. Yes, there is truly something about this land that grabs a hold of you. I get lost in the desolation and in my love affair with saguaros. ...But alongside that...what is this feeling... desultory? How many desolate roads can I continue to walk down, metaphorically and non. I am feeling the glue beginning to dry, which is my reminder, it's time to go.

...sinister... he called me.

My neighbor and I don't borrow cups of sugar from one another, we borrow shots of liquor and favors like... me shaving his back.

My wardrobe has been colorful but also prone to darkness throughout the years.Within the last few months...colors infiltrated once again. ...But now, as darkness descends...as suffocating and inescapable as ever... my wardrobe is fading back to black.

A lone life on the road is endlessly stimulating. It's a freeing thing to be uncertain of what or who you will discover. A lone life working a full time job and going home to an apartment over and over is a thing of misery.

Cheers... To finding out that someone I admire and adore to the upmost believes in me too.

I feel like a creature on display.
People are afraid to get to close,
But can't take their eyes away.

I've a heart with insatiable explorer's blood.

Left alone in my apartment, he rambled...discovering things he wished he hadn't.

lyrics

Il a dit, bien où habitez-vous?♪
Eh bien monsieur, si vous ne savait
Qu'est-ce que cette réponse vaut
Été chercher tous les coins
De la terre

He's like a sweet kid with a lot of candy. So happy and generous with his drugs.

The desert sky turned gray, the rain came hard, the wind blew wild... 

"Are we gonna die" says comrade

They gaze upon your outside, clawing at it relentlessly,
wanting their own experience of you.

Overlooking the being in there that needs to be
valued rather than depleted.

I let you puncture my healed wound...again. The difference is this time I didn't like it.

Alex Grey

Being in his presence is familiar in that he radiates that 

energy that is felt through gazing at his creations.

I must be a considerate person even when plastered drunk... Because at the end of the night instead of hurling in the Uber ride person's car, I drunkenly unzipped my pocket book and threw up into it...creating a huge mess for my own self for the next day.

Cheers to finding ways to feel free...

This inescapable loneliness has been cast down upon me my whole life.

We had lunch dates where you gave me fatherly advice.
You'd email or call to check up on me. 

You can't tell a girl without a dad that she's like the kid you never
had but always wanted...

Then buy her some things, carry them up to her apartment, and make a move on her.
...I'm not yet that perverted.